


Animal Rescue (the Budapest remix)

by sullacat



Category: Marvel Avengers Movies Universe, The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Crack, Inspired by Art, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-03
Updated: 2012-07-03
Packaged: 2017-11-09 02:04:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/450043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sullacat/pseuds/sullacat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just another SHIELD mission for Clint and Natasha, with bonus pandas and bunnies.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Animal Rescue (the Budapest remix)

**Author's Note:**

> **THE SETUP:** In a chat room with friends, Winterover asked for drabble prompts. She received bunnies, sad panda, sentient kittens, and Jeremy Renner.
> 
>   
> 
> 
> This is my cracky entry into the 'Avengers' foray. *elaborate bow* I wish I could draw, but I can't, so I will just write crack about other people's art. Thank you Winterover for being awesome and inspiring me with your art drabble! :D
> 
> No infringement intended.

Clint always stood silent as their mission was given to them, nodding quietly as if all of it made sense. SHIELD assignments were never ordinary, and this was no different. Exotic pet dealer. Sentient animals programmed to brainwash their owners. Sell them to the world's wealthiest families, then wait for the world financial markets to fall into chaos. 

Coulson always seemed to pause a moment after speaking, as if expecting Barton to respond in some way to the ridiculous nature of some of these operations. Clint glanced over at Natasha, standing next to him, also nonplussed by the ludicrousness of this assignment. "We're on it. Be right back," he replied, knowing that would irritate his handler, who appeared equally indifferent under his cool exterior.

Coulson was always indifferent. But _Phil_ would get him back later. He always did.

~*~*~*~*~

And as strange as it would seem, there _really was_ some underground exotic pet market operating out of Hungary. Where or when some twisted brainiac got the idea to inject the animals with genetically altered stem cells to supersize their intelligence, Clint had no idea. All he knew was that getting into the top-secret facility wasn't that hard. Getting out, on the other hand, that's where the real trouble began.

Luckily, the guards still up and moving after Clint finished taking them down with his bow didn't seem to be too adept at hand-to-hand combat, leaving Natasha with just a few to clean up behind her. Once they got to the laboratory at the bottom levels, there were only scientists left, and they were quickly apprehended and locked into one of the rooms. 

Grabbing baby animals out of their cages, he and Nat held onto as many as they could as they zigzagged their way up through the corridors of that underground lair. Clint didn't know what was more twisted - the idea that someone was breeding sentient pandas for personal companions, or that said panda was now _attached_ to his utility belt, along with a few other animals, all of them silently cheering him on as they jogged down the hallway and out of the building.

  


~*~*~*~*~

As soon as he unlocked the door to his apartment, Clint knew he wasn't alone. He always left small indicators to let him know if anyone had been there, little clues.

Also, the television in the living room was on, another clue. "Fast Five?" he chuckled as he walked toward the mostly empty room, just a sofa and a big-screen TV in one corner, a large bed in another. 

And one SHIELD agent, sitting on the sofa with his suit coat off, a soft drink in his hand. "I like the driving scenes." 

"You like Paul Walker." Clint dropped his travel bag on top of his bed before walking to the sofa. Bending over, he dropped a kiss on Phil's forehead. "Missed you. You weren't there for the debriefing when we got back. You feel okay?" he asked, worried that he didn't see Phil's familiar face when he and Nat got off the jet with their rescued animals. 

Coulson made room on the sofa. "I'm fine," he said, taking Clint's hand in his own, a gentle touch. His head leaned back as he turned his head toward Clint, giving him another kiss. "I heard your assignment went well, all the animals made it to headquarters safely." He arched an eyebrow as his fingers pushed a tendril of hair off Clint's forehead. "Just wanted to make sure you didn't bring any of your work home with you."

Clint scoffed. "You kidding me?" he asked, a little grin on his face. "Look at this place," he raised his hands at the bare loft. "Do I look like a responsible pet owner?"

Coulson looked at him for a long moment, then stood. Walking over to the bed, he opened the flap on the travel bag on top and reached inside. With a long, drawn out sigh he lifted a small gray kitten out of the bag, holding it up by its tiny arms. Turning to Clint, Phil didn't speak, just... stared at him.

But Clint was prepared for this, had his speech ready. "Phil, look at her," Clint walked over to Phil, stroking the kitten on top of her head. "I wasn't gonna keep her forever. Just a few days, the weekend tops." 

Coulson shook his head. "No."

"She's got little agent glasses, just like you." Picking the kitten up again, Clint touched her nose, grinning as the kitten sneezed. "She's like our baby." 

On cue the kitten made a soft meow noise, all big eyes and pink tongue. "You're a bad influence on me, Agent Barton." Phil held the kitten up higher, as if inspecting her. "If I didn't know better, I'd say you were spending too much time with Tony Stark."

One arm snaked around Phil's waist. "That's a low blow," he murmured, kissing his cheek. "I'll take her back tomorrow." 

But by now, the kitten had curled up in the crook of Phil's arm, kneading at his shirt. Making eye contact. "Yeah, tomorrow," Coulson repeated, with that look on his face that told him that right now, the kitten was working hard to convince Phil that Clint's loft might not be the worst place for a secret agent kitten to hang out.

With a couple of SHIELD agents, of course, to take care of her.


End file.
